This is a repost from my newsletter called so many words, which you can subscribe to here.

When I was 25 years old, I worked at a dumb job for a dumb company and sat on a voluntary committee that picked one book every month to “spotlight”. There was no theme and no rhyme or reason behind which books were put forth for our consideration, but I took it all very seriously because it was one of the first times in my life that I felt my adult opinion had value. …

I used to have the distinct feeling on the days I worked from home that I was haunting my own apartment. It felt spooky to be there during the hours when it ought to be empty, watching the sunlight seep into corners I wasn’t used to seeing it touch. I would sit there taking in the quiet that only exists at 3 pm, when it feels like everyone is somewhere else, and feel alone in a way that simultaneously comforted and unsettled me.

Now, of course, I’m home all the time, and have been for the better part of a…

You’re not crying, I’m crying!

Photo: Beatrice Lorenzoni/EyeEm/Getty Images

Not to be dramatic, but this year has been the worst of my adult life.

The Cliff’s notes are these: In January, my relationship started crumbling in a way that finally, after months of slow erosion, felt irreversible and unignorable. Things that had previously been bubbling up as intermittent fights now merged into what felt like one continuous fight with silently agreed upon day-long breaks that existed to keep us both from pulling the rip cord.

When things felt like they were really going south, the worst feeling wasn’t that it was actually happening, but that it all just felt…

Live. Laugh. Love. Get your heart broken. Dust yourself off. Love again, harder and more fiercely than you loved before. Get your heart broken again. Get drunk for 3 weeks. Cry. Throw up on yourself in public. Grab a stranger by the collar and tell them they don’t understand love. Laugh in a way that scares people. Yell that you don’t want to live anymore.

Recalibrate. Vow to focus on yourself. On your heart. On your soul. Sing! Sing all the time. Sing, “I’m fine! I’m FIIII-IIINE!” in people’s faces when they ask how you are. Sing it louder when…

Sarah Bellstedt

I write in here as often as I can!!! (every 2 years, tops)

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